原来就算曾经经历过，换成不一样的人，我的心还是会痛。我以为我已经长大了，变成熟，变坚强了，但原来我还是四年前对爱情懵懵懂懂的我。
我不曾真正恋爱过，但喜欢一个人的心情应该都是一样的。朋友说那不算爱情因为我们从来没有开始过。又是单方面的喜欢又能有多喜欢呢？但我可以说，喜欢就算不是双向但并不能代表就是肤浅的。我对待每一个喜欢的人都是认真的。就算被拒绝时，我依然觉得可以做朋友。但当他交上女友时，我开始后悔了，我的心象吃了柠檬一样,酸酸的，闷闷的。
原来被拒绝之后当朋友需要勇气，在他身边站着另一个人时对着他说："希望你能幸福。"，需要更大的决心。因为那就如自己拿着一把刀插在心上还要笑着说没事。
一切只是风花雪月，以后再想时也只会是云淡风轻。
但在此时此刻用我的心，泣着的血与泪，纪念此时的不懂事与年少轻狂，只因我已不想再受伤了，再一次，我不要做个烂好人，不要再把别人放在第一位。我要学会爱自己多一点，不要再等着别人的爱，因为那很累，很累。。。
Monday, May 6, 2013
偶尔也想任性的我。。。
时光与岁月留下的不仅仅是长大的痕迹同时也在我的身上加上了枷锁，那是社会与周围的人的期许与盼望。我不得不长大只因我已失去幼稚的权力。这些年，我得到了什么又失去了什么？我也看不清，钱多了，但笑容少了？朋友多了，但知心少了？心还是会痛但已沒有办法痛快的哭出来？或许都是也或许都不是。
我也想偶尔任性一下，偶尔势弱一下，偶尔做回以前的我。那个单纯，不知人心险恶，就算被骗也还会替人乖乖数钱的自己。因为那时的我是快乐的。
我也想偶尔任性一下，偶尔势弱一下，偶尔做回以前的我。那个单纯，不知人心险恶，就算被骗也还会替人乖乖数钱的自己。因为那时的我是快乐的。
Two way Traffic...
Life is often not a two way traffic. With expectation，there is bound to be disappointment. Putting your emotion， sentiment，judgement and value on other party is not fair and usually does not fare well if both did not feel mutually.
Any relationship speak the same truth but it took ages for people to realise the reality behind it. I was the silly one，see the truth but yet refused to acknowledge it. Self denial is the worst of all，should always trust the heart but act using the brain. That the easy way out，even if that would make me unhappy but I would not be hurt or disappointed. No one can get the best of both world，it is usually one way or another. When can I see past it and fufill the best potential within me. Not stopping along the way even if I am tired because once my pace stop，I am afraid that nothing could stop me from collapsing. My continued expectation of human nature is getting the better of me，there came the disappointment that swarm me whenever things does not work out. There， here I am ，surprised with myself everyday，feeling insecure and helpless，trying to help other without seeing my own liability. Am I deceiving myself or other?
Maybe religion is the best option. Believing in nothing is pathetic，the world does not just revolve around me and I need to think it through. Religion had showed me the way all the while but I choose to remain pathetic. No longer shall I be so，I need to be a better me，not for other but for myself. The process maybe hard and full of obstacles，if I survived，I will be better person，if I don't，hope that god will bless me.
Happiness that rely on others is shortlived， only satisfaction within one can create true happiness. It is the same as blaming other for your fault but real problem lies within you. I am a thinker and most of the time hope to be a doer. I have done things in the past that was not the normal me，I often question myself for the rationale behind that，but could not get an answer. My problem lies with the fact that I try to be the real me most of the time and failed to see that everyone else knew better then me that wearing a mask is a way of life.
Everything look better from a distance，the truth stay the truth， but everyone view it differently. Feeling hurt，you could blame other for it but on the other hand，would you say that you could have protect yourself better in the first place. There is no real answer in the world，only different perspective from different people. No one is the same and we had to learn to accept that. Acceptance is the only way to see the truth underneath the superficial illusion. Only when we accept ourself and other，we are able to put the heart at ease and let go.
Letting go is hard but not letting go is a torment. It may hurt but hurting make you remember，learn from mistake. Think with your brain but feel with your heart...
I may be naive and stupid，but the day that one stop to feel is the real end of your life. Feel and enjoy every moment of your life，live it to the max and leave no regret. Don't stop feeling when you are still alive. One has plenty of time when life end.
Any relationship speak the same truth but it took ages for people to realise the reality behind it. I was the silly one，see the truth but yet refused to acknowledge it. Self denial is the worst of all，should always trust the heart but act using the brain. That the easy way out，even if that would make me unhappy but I would not be hurt or disappointed. No one can get the best of both world，it is usually one way or another. When can I see past it and fufill the best potential within me. Not stopping along the way even if I am tired because once my pace stop，I am afraid that nothing could stop me from collapsing. My continued expectation of human nature is getting the better of me，there came the disappointment that swarm me whenever things does not work out. There， here I am ，surprised with myself everyday，feeling insecure and helpless，trying to help other without seeing my own liability. Am I deceiving myself or other?
Maybe religion is the best option. Believing in nothing is pathetic，the world does not just revolve around me and I need to think it through. Religion had showed me the way all the while but I choose to remain pathetic. No longer shall I be so，I need to be a better me，not for other but for myself. The process maybe hard and full of obstacles，if I survived，I will be better person，if I don't，hope that god will bless me.
Happiness that rely on others is shortlived， only satisfaction within one can create true happiness. It is the same as blaming other for your fault but real problem lies within you. I am a thinker and most of the time hope to be a doer. I have done things in the past that was not the normal me，I often question myself for the rationale behind that，but could not get an answer. My problem lies with the fact that I try to be the real me most of the time and failed to see that everyone else knew better then me that wearing a mask is a way of life.
Everything look better from a distance，the truth stay the truth， but everyone view it differently. Feeling hurt，you could blame other for it but on the other hand，would you say that you could have protect yourself better in the first place. There is no real answer in the world，only different perspective from different people. No one is the same and we had to learn to accept that. Acceptance is the only way to see the truth underneath the superficial illusion. Only when we accept ourself and other，we are able to put the heart at ease and let go.
Letting go is hard but not letting go is a torment. It may hurt but hurting make you remember，learn from mistake. Think with your brain but feel with your heart...
I may be naive and stupid，but the day that one stop to feel is the real end of your life. Feel and enjoy every moment of your life，live it to the max and leave no regret. Don't stop feeling when you are still alive. One has plenty of time when life end.
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