原来。。。

原来就算曾经经历过，换成不一样的人，我的心还是会痛。我以为我已经长大了，变成熟，变坚强了，但原来我还是四年前对爱情懵懵懂懂的我。

我不曾真正恋爱过，但喜欢一个人的心情应该都是一样的。朋友说那不算爱情因为我们从来没有开始过。又是单方面的喜欢又能有多喜欢呢？但我可以说，喜欢就算不是双向但并不能代表就是肤浅的。我对待每一个喜欢的人都是认真的。就算被拒绝时，我依然觉得可以做朋友。但当他交上女友时，我开始后悔了，我的心象吃了柠檬一样,酸酸的，闷闷的。

原来被拒绝之后当朋友需要勇气，在他身边站着另一个人时对着他说："希望你能幸福。"，需要更大的决心。因为那就如自己拿着一把刀插在心上还要笑着说没事。

一切只是风花雪月，以后再想时也只会是云淡风轻。

但在此时此刻用我的心，泣着的血与泪，纪念此时的不懂事与年少轻狂，只因我已不想再受伤了，再一次，我不要做个烂好人，不要再把别人放在第一位。我要学会爱自己多一点，不要再等着别人的爱，因为那很累，很累。。。

偶尔也想任性的我。。。

时光与岁月留下的不仅仅是长大的痕迹同时也在我的身上加上了枷锁，那是社会与周围的人的期许与盼望。我不得不长大只因我已失去幼稚的权力。这些年，我得到了什么又失去了什么？我也看不清，钱多了，但笑容少了？朋友多了，但知心少了？心还是会痛但已沒有办法痛快的哭出来？或许都是也或许都不是。

我也想偶尔任性一下，偶尔势弱一下，偶尔做回以前的我。那个单纯，不知人心险恶，就算被骗也还会替人乖乖数钱的自己。因为那时的我是快乐的。

阔别三年

三年之后,一切都变了，很多事都不一样，就连心境也物是人非。

Two way Traffic...

Life is often not a two way traffic. With expectation，there is bound to be disappointment. Putting your emotion， sentiment，judgement and value on other party is not fair and usually does not fare well if both did not feel mutually.

Any relationship speak the same truth but it took ages for people to realise the reality behind it. I was the silly one，see the truth but yet refused to acknowledge it. Self denial is the worst of all，should always trust the heart but act using the brain. That the easy way out，even if that would make me unhappy but I would not be hurt or disappointed. No one can get the best of both world，it is usually one way or another. When can I see past it and fufill the best potential within me. Not stopping along the way even if I am tired because once my pace stop，I am afraid that nothing could stop me from collapsing. My continued expectation of human nature is getting the better of me，there came the disappointment that swarm me whenever things does not work out. There， here I am ，surprised with myself everyday，feeling insecure and helpless，trying to help other without seeing my own liability. Am I deceiving myself or other?

Maybe religion is the best option. Believing in nothing is pathetic，the world does not just revolve around me and I need to think it through. Religion had showed me the way all the while but I choose to remain pathetic. No longer shall I be so，I need to be a better me，not for other but for myself. The process maybe hard and full of obstacles，if I survived，I will be better person，if I don't，hope that god will bless me.

Happiness that rely on others is shortlived， only satisfaction within one can create true happiness. It is the same as blaming other for your fault but real problem lies within you. I am a thinker and most of the time hope to be a doer. I have done things in the past that was not the normal me，I often question myself for the rationale behind that，but could not get an answer. My problem lies with the fact that I try to be the real me most of the time and failed to see that everyone else knew better then me that wearing a mask is a way of life.

Everything look better from a distance，the truth stay the truth， but everyone view it differently. Feeling hurt，you could blame other for it but on the other hand，would you say that you could have protect yourself better in the first place. There is no real answer in the world，only different perspective from different people. No one is the same and we had to learn to accept that. Acceptance is the only way to see the truth underneath the superficial illusion. Only when we accept ourself and other，we are able to put the heart at ease and let go.

Letting go is hard but not letting go is a torment. It may hurt but hurting make you remember，learn from mistake. Think with your brain but feel with your heart...

I may be naive and stupid，but the day that one stop to feel is the real end of your life. Feel and enjoy every moment of your life，live it to the max and leave no regret. Don't stop feeling when you are still alive. One has plenty of time when life end.

My other side of life

To get to know better what I have been doing please go to this other blog address:

http://ms-newbie-adventure.blogspot.com/

Why love never last?

I was reading my old blog post a couple of days before and I started to have some thoughts about all the stuffs I wrote last year especially when I was being very emotional (refer especially to this particular post "Festive season = good news =love in the air???").

A lot of things have changed in the couple of months that had passed since I wrote that article. What is more irony is that most of the couples that I have mentioned in the post had separated and became single again. What shocked me the most is that even friends that had been together for quite some years had broken up too...

This makes me actually wonder about a lot of things in life. I have been given comments by some friends around me saying that I am been too idealistic in my thinking with regards to love relationship between couples. Well, I have to admit that they were right sometime, coz in a relationship it depend on both hands to clap. It would have never work out if one of the party does not want to be involve in it. Well, when more than one person is involved in anything, the situation become complicated coz human "heart" is the hardest thing to predict. It always changes from time to time.

Despite all the comments from my friends, being a typical sagi ( pretty much that is my excuse :p)I still can't help but to think why love never last even when it happened on friends that you have least expected. It take two person to get together but it takes one to destroy the relationship.

I often wonder that if love can be visualize and quantify like any other things in a scientific way would things still happened the way they did? Well, obviously this question could not be answered since it would never happened. Perhaps, as I am who I am, despite knowing the limitations and restrictions in life, I would still constantly challenge the impossible ( in term of ideology and perspective ) and question those surrounding me. This is not because that I don't know the obvious answer but that sometime there is more to a certain thing then the obvious answer. I understand that this would be a life long debate, however I do hoped that it would be a interesting one.

Don't be surprise that as you are reading this article, you realize that it had not been structure well enough because this is the true (real time) thoughts that are going through my brains now. My brain is just very impromptu and spontaneous :p as usual to whoever that really know me.

I guess I would still be stuck with this question for a fair bit of time from now, so I should continue with my deep thoughts and exit from my blog... hehe...

虚无飘渺的爱情

不解，为何曾经如此相爱的两人说断就断
不解，为何当初爱上对方的理由成为了如今分手的原因
不解，为何彼此心中那道跨不过的横沟竟然比几千公里的距离还要远
不解，曾经一起走过风风雨雨，依赖彼此的背膀的两人，如今却彼此伤害
不解，当初承诺给对方的幸福为何就像过眼云烟一样仿佛从来没说过
不解，既然要分手为何还要相爱

爱情，就像一阵风说来就来说走就走，从来不会停留在一个地方太久
爱情，看不到也捉不到，但世人往往为了得到它付出了许多代价
爱情，就像是裹着毒药的糖果，让人明知吃了轻则"中毒"，重则"死亡"还是对它趋之若鹜
爱情，真的能说断就断吗？

如果真的深爱着彼此为何又能不爱了呢？
是不是因为并没有想象中那么爱？
还是爱自己比爱对方多，那又何苦给对方希望又把她推入痛苦的深渊呢？
当你在指责对方没有那么爱你时又是以什么样的准则来下判断的呢？
你可曾经想过既然在一起过又怎么可能不爱你呢？
或许她只是不懂的表达而以，又或许她的表达方式并不如常人一般？

你或许能以千种理由来辩解分手的原因但原因只有一个，就是不爱了...
当你嘴里说着你们是那么的不适合彼此，我在你的眼里看到了你不愿承认的理由...
只是短短数十天的分离，我却从你的眼中看到了另一个人的倒影...
或许你们真的不适合彼此，但分手却是因为你的心里已经有了另一个人...

当她深夜怀着苦涩的心情，鼓起勇气联络我，向我问明一些事，我从电话的另一端听到她强忍泪水的声音...
她哀求着我不要让你知道她打了这一通电话，她哽咽的声音让我不知该如何安慰她，只因有今天的结果，我或多或少也有份造成如今的局面...
我并不是在这里评断谁对谁错，毕竟爱情并没有对错，不爱了就是不爱了，爱上了就是爱上了...
但或许你能够对她诚实一点也对自己诚实一点，坦白你是遇到了另一段爱情故事的开端所以才为彼此的爱情写下句号...


如果世上真的有"忘情水"那该有多好啊！！！