与专科的朋友在夜里通话，说起当时的我们，不免感叹我们改变真多。。。
先不论好与坏，在成长与蜕变的过程中，以往的纯真似乎也跟着消失了。。。
我们再也回不到过去的自己，当时心怀的梦想也因为长大了而渐渐遗忘。。。
纵然知道那是件多可悲的事但现实生活的压力早已把那仅存的梦埋藏在心底的最深处，遗忘在某一个角落，期待能有实现的一天。。。
我已渐渐有能力实现梦想但我再也已不是当时那个傻傻，想法幼稚但天真可爱的小女孩。。。似乎有些东西已不一样了。。。
心里总有种说不上来的感觉。。。
总觉得当时的自己虽然没有物质上的享受但心里却很满足。。。
反观现在的自己总希望从朋友那里得到些什么来填补心里的空虚，寂寞与不安。。。
多希望能找回失去的纯真但那是不可能的了。。。
因为那已不是属于我的专利了。。。
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
From the past to the present
I often wonder what make me who I am today, for the better or for the worst...
I realised that everything in the past shape me for who I am now, but there are a few important transition point that had a huge impact on me that create the present me.
To name a few:
I met my best friend in my secondary school days along with one good friend as well. They been through alot with me and the bond between us could not be describe by mere words. They have been by my side for better or for worst, regardless of the situation although there are ups and downs along the way. However, it is precisely the ups and downs that strengthen our bonds and leads us down the life journey and we still remain the same as it was 10 years ago. When I looked back, i couldn't imagine how my life would be without them.
My poly days could be describe as a disaster, outcast, boycott, isolated would be the right word to describe my status in the school. Just when I thought that I have found a good friend there, I got backstab by her (or maybe that is just how I see it), I started to lost hope in friendship and along the way a part of me was lost forever as well.
I was lucky thou, in my first full time job, I met another important person who would shape alot of my idealogy in life and society. I would never be the same person I am today without her. She taught me alot of stuff with regard to my job and most importantly how to survive out there in the world. She might be nagging, angry and pull a black face at me but I realised that it is because she cares about me.
Throughout my life till now, I realised that as people grow, they tend to care less and lesser, simply because trust and bonding between people had changed, we could no longer be as simple as we are in the past. Reality, desire, lust, greed and alot of inner emotions had forced us to become more selfish and self centered. All the actions that we have done is simply to achieve our final goal and in the process it might mean making use of each other, putting other people down. But what she had done for me could not be describe by words, she taught me to grow up and look at the world from other views. She taught me the ways to protect myself when I am out there in the cruel and judgemental world. Maybe it might not be sufficient for me since I still feel hurt by the reality sometimes but she is the one that prepare me mentally. I might have fallen down but what she taught me encourage me to stand up again to face the world and given me the courage to move on.
The more recent person that I think have changed me for who I am now is a friend of a friend. All the time that I chat with him, I would always think to myself: "That is something that has never ever cross my mind." Looking back for the past 2 months that I have spend with him, I realised that his words regardless of good or bad give me another opportunity to examine the way that I want to live my life. His words often enlighten me in a way that I did not expect, it often set me into thinking more and more about life, about of alot of other stuff as well. He also help me made up a decision that I think would changed my life forever. Maybe it is fate or destiny, that problem had troubled me for months, I have seek numerous advice from alot of my friends but none could push me to make up my mind as he did. All I could say is that for better or for worst, no matter where my decision leads me to, I would have no regret making this decision for I have live the life that my heart desire.
I am grateful up till now to be able to meet all these people in my life, if there is really a unknown force that push these people to meet me, I would give a million thanks to whoever or whatever that is behind it. I can't write it out in words to stress the importance and significance that these people had in my life. Don't be upset too my friends if I did not mention you in these entry as all of you matter as much to me as the people before.
I love all of you my friends and do take care so that it would come one day where we could sit down and chat and simply being our true self.
I realised that everything in the past shape me for who I am now, but there are a few important transition point that had a huge impact on me that create the present me.
To name a few:
I met my best friend in my secondary school days along with one good friend as well. They been through alot with me and the bond between us could not be describe by mere words. They have been by my side for better or for worst, regardless of the situation although there are ups and downs along the way. However, it is precisely the ups and downs that strengthen our bonds and leads us down the life journey and we still remain the same as it was 10 years ago. When I looked back, i couldn't imagine how my life would be without them.
My poly days could be describe as a disaster, outcast, boycott, isolated would be the right word to describe my status in the school. Just when I thought that I have found a good friend there, I got backstab by her (or maybe that is just how I see it), I started to lost hope in friendship and along the way a part of me was lost forever as well.
I was lucky thou, in my first full time job, I met another important person who would shape alot of my idealogy in life and society. I would never be the same person I am today without her. She taught me alot of stuff with regard to my job and most importantly how to survive out there in the world. She might be nagging, angry and pull a black face at me but I realised that it is because she cares about me.
Throughout my life till now, I realised that as people grow, they tend to care less and lesser, simply because trust and bonding between people had changed, we could no longer be as simple as we are in the past. Reality, desire, lust, greed and alot of inner emotions had forced us to become more selfish and self centered. All the actions that we have done is simply to achieve our final goal and in the process it might mean making use of each other, putting other people down. But what she had done for me could not be describe by words, she taught me to grow up and look at the world from other views. She taught me the ways to protect myself when I am out there in the cruel and judgemental world. Maybe it might not be sufficient for me since I still feel hurt by the reality sometimes but she is the one that prepare me mentally. I might have fallen down but what she taught me encourage me to stand up again to face the world and given me the courage to move on.
The more recent person that I think have changed me for who I am now is a friend of a friend. All the time that I chat with him, I would always think to myself: "That is something that has never ever cross my mind." Looking back for the past 2 months that I have spend with him, I realised that his words regardless of good or bad give me another opportunity to examine the way that I want to live my life. His words often enlighten me in a way that I did not expect, it often set me into thinking more and more about life, about of alot of other stuff as well. He also help me made up a decision that I think would changed my life forever. Maybe it is fate or destiny, that problem had troubled me for months, I have seek numerous advice from alot of my friends but none could push me to make up my mind as he did. All I could say is that for better or for worst, no matter where my decision leads me to, I would have no regret making this decision for I have live the life that my heart desire.
I am grateful up till now to be able to meet all these people in my life, if there is really a unknown force that push these people to meet me, I would give a million thanks to whoever or whatever that is behind it. I can't write it out in words to stress the importance and significance that these people had in my life. Don't be upset too my friends if I did not mention you in these entry as all of you matter as much to me as the people before.
I love all of you my friends and do take care so that it would come one day where we could sit down and chat and simply being our true self.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
海绵芒果慕司蛋糕
我已经慢慢的从我对他的眷念中走出来。但直到了今天我才发现，我就像海绵蛋糕而他就像芒果慕司，吃起来才发现是那么的不协调。
那不协调感来自于我们对事情有截然不同的看法，想法与做法。就像网上有千百种海绵芒果慕司蛋糕的食谱，各花入各眼一样，并不是所有的食谱都是自己喜欢的，也不是所有的海绵蛋糕食谱就能与任何芒果慕司配搭的。。。
简单的道理往往都是最难领悟的。。。
那不协调感来自于我们对事情有截然不同的看法，想法与做法。就像网上有千百种海绵芒果慕司蛋糕的食谱，各花入各眼一样，并不是所有的食谱都是自己喜欢的，也不是所有的海绵蛋糕食谱就能与任何芒果慕司配搭的。。。
简单的道理往往都是最难领悟的。。。
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Summary of 2009
As 2009 came to an end, it is time to summarise what have been done in that year and have a proper closure to it. With the start of a brand new day in 2010, I can't help but hope that this would be a smooth and good year for me.
My 2009 life chapter had ended with a first class honours, graduation=jobless, closure of my love life (no one in my life yet), clueless about how I want my life to be etc...
However, a new chapter has begun for my 2010 life chapter as well, I am no longer bother with my love life even though I am still searching for one but I believe that what is mean to be will be. I have moved on to shift my focus more on finding a job and keeping one if I find it. This would be the year that I wanted to be more true to myself and care less about what other people think of me. I will like to start everything afresh from today onwards, moving closer to my goals step by step, I know that the path would not be smooth going but I shall be determined and perseverance towards my goals.
My 2009 life chapter had ended with a first class honours, graduation=jobless, closure of my love life (no one in my life yet), clueless about how I want my life to be etc...
However, a new chapter has begun for my 2010 life chapter as well, I am no longer bother with my love life even though I am still searching for one but I believe that what is mean to be will be. I have moved on to shift my focus more on finding a job and keeping one if I find it. This would be the year that I wanted to be more true to myself and care less about what other people think of me. I will like to start everything afresh from today onwards, moving closer to my goals step by step, I know that the path would not be smooth going but I shall be determined and perseverance towards my goals.
放下
放下对于我与他是最好的结果，既然一切说开了，知道事实的我是时候把人生的重心放在别的事情了。
放下对他的眷恋，让我与他奔向不同的方向。朝着更广阔的未来努力，纵然我们只是人生路上两道平行线永远没有交集的一天但至少我俩同时存在于同一片天空下。。。
时间啊，请你对我宽容一点，让我在不需要你太多的陪伴度过这一切吧！
我知道一切总会成过往云烟但过程并不会是容易的但我坚信我会回到原来的我的一天。。。
放下对他的眷恋，让我与他奔向不同的方向。朝着更广阔的未来努力，纵然我们只是人生路上两道平行线永远没有交集的一天但至少我俩同时存在于同一片天空下。。。
时间啊，请你对我宽容一点，让我在不需要你太多的陪伴度过这一切吧！
我知道一切总会成过往云烟但过程并不会是容易的但我坚信我会回到原来的我的一天。。。
My famous quote...
Failure or success belong to yesterday, today is the time to start afresh.
Cheers to the brilliant me who come up with the brilliant sentence.
Cheers to the brilliant me who come up with the brilliant sentence.
人生新的里程碑
我纵然失败了但我能大声的对自己说：“时间能够带过一切，好与坏，喜与悲。这都是人生重要的里程碑。”
我超越了昨天的自己，在此我骄傲的向大家说：“我失败了但我的人生并没有留下遗憾与后悔，我的人生中又少了一个如果，那是一个多少人都做不到的啊！！！”
当多年过去，只怕回首时，脸上会挂着微笑，笑看当年年少轻狂时的自己，一切都是那么的微不足道啊。。。
我超越了昨天的自己，在此我骄傲的向大家说：“我失败了但我的人生并没有留下遗憾与后悔，我的人生中又少了一个如果，那是一个多少人都做不到的啊！！！”
当多年过去，只怕回首时，脸上会挂着微笑，笑看当年年少轻狂时的自己，一切都是那么的微不足道啊。。。
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