Why love never last?

I was reading my old blog post a couple of days before and I started to have some thoughts about all the stuffs I wrote last year especially when I was being very emotional (refer especially to this particular post "Festive season = good news =love in the air???").

A lot of things have changed in the couple of months that had passed since I wrote that article. What is more irony is that most of the couples that I have mentioned in the post had separated and became single again. What shocked me the most is that even friends that had been together for quite some years had broken up too...

This makes me actually wonder about a lot of things in life. I have been given comments by some friends around me saying that I am been too idealistic in my thinking with regards to love relationship between couples. Well, I have to admit that they were right sometime, coz in a relationship it depend on both hands to clap. It would have never work out if one of the party does not want to be involve in it. Well, when more than one person is involved in anything, the situation become complicated coz human "heart" is the hardest thing to predict. It always changes from time to time.

Despite all the comments from my friends, being a typical sagi ( pretty much that is my excuse :p)I still can't help but to think why love never last even when it happened on friends that you have least expected. It take two person to get together but it takes one to destroy the relationship.

I often wonder that if love can be visualize and quantify like any other things in a scientific way would things still happened the way they did? Well, obviously this question could not be answered since it would never happened. Perhaps, as I am who I am, despite knowing the limitations and restrictions in life, I would still constantly challenge the impossible ( in term of ideology and perspective ) and question those surrounding me. This is not because that I don't know the obvious answer but that sometime there is more to a certain thing then the obvious answer. I understand that this would be a life long debate, however I do hoped that it would be a interesting one.

Don't be surprise that as you are reading this article, you realize that it had not been structure well enough because this is the true (real time) thoughts that are going through my brains now. My brain is just very impromptu and spontaneous :p as usual to whoever that really know me.

I guess I would still be stuck with this question for a fair bit of time from now, so I should continue with my deep thoughts and exit from my blog... hehe...

在此宣誓

我为人随和不代表我没脾气!!!

我为人处处谦让不代表我是错而你是对的!!!

我不跟你计较并不代表你可以践踏我的自尊心!!!

我会有以上的待人处事方法只因我把你当朋友!!!

但当你踩过了朋友的那条界线也就是我们的友谊结束的时候!!!

到那时我绝对会轻挥着我的手，潇洒的对你说声：“拜拜，希望我们永远不要再见了!!!"

我也绝对不会后悔做出这个决定，只因当你把我的自尊心踩在你脚下时我已心死。。。

此刻你在我心中已比路人甲还不如，只是隐形的存在，在我心中毫无分量。。。

曾经的我们

与专科的朋友在夜里通话，说起当时的我们，不免感叹我们改变真多。。。

先不论好与坏，在成长与蜕变的过程中，以往的纯真似乎也跟着消失了。。。

我们再也回不到过去的自己，当时心怀的梦想也因为长大了而渐渐遗忘。。。

纵然知道那是件多可悲的事但现实生活的压力早已把那仅存的梦埋藏在心底的最深处，遗忘在某一个角落，期待能有实现的一天。。。

我已渐渐有能力实现梦想但我再也已不是当时那个傻傻，想法幼稚但天真可爱的小女孩。。。似乎有些东西已不一样了。。。

心里总有种说不上来的感觉。。。

总觉得当时的自己虽然没有物质上的享受但心里却很满足。。。

反观现在的自己总希望从朋友那里得到些什么来填补心里的空虚，寂寞与不安。。。

多希望能找回失去的纯真但那是不可能的了。。。

因为那已不是属于我的专利了。。。

From the past to the present

I often wonder what make me who I am today, for the better or for the worst...

I realised that everything in the past shape me for who I am now, but there are a few important transition point that had a huge impact on me that create the present me.

To name a few:

I met my best friend in my secondary school days along with one good friend as well. They been through alot with me and the bond between us could not be describe by mere words. They have been by my side for better or for worst, regardless of the situation although there are ups and downs along the way. However, it is precisely the ups and downs that strengthen our bonds and leads us down the life journey and we still remain the same as it was 10 years ago. When I looked back, i couldn't imagine how my life would be without them.

My poly days could be describe as a disaster, outcast, boycott, isolated would be the right word to describe my status in the school. Just when I thought that I have found a good friend there, I got backstab by her (or maybe that is just how I see it), I started to lost hope in friendship and along the way a part of me was lost forever as well.

I was lucky thou, in my first full time job, I met another important person who would shape alot of my idealogy in life and society. I would never be the same person I am today without her. She taught me alot of stuff with regard to my job and most importantly how to survive out there in the world. She might be nagging, angry and pull a black face at me but I realised that it is because she cares about me.

Throughout my life till now, I realised that as people grow, they tend to care less and lesser, simply because trust and bonding between people had changed, we could no longer be as simple as we are in the past. Reality, desire, lust, greed and alot of inner emotions had forced us to become more selfish and self centered. All the actions that we have done is simply to achieve our final goal and in the process it might mean making use of each other, putting other people down. But what she had done for me could not be describe by words, she taught me to grow up and look at the world from other views. She taught me the ways to protect myself when I am out there in the cruel and judgemental world. Maybe it might not be sufficient for me since I still feel hurt by the reality sometimes but she is the one that prepare me mentally. I might have fallen down but what she taught me encourage me to stand up again to face the world and given me the courage to move on.

The more recent person that I think have changed me for who I am now is a friend of a friend. All the time that I chat with him, I would always think to myself: "That is something that has never ever cross my mind." Looking back for the past 2 months that I have spend with him, I realised that his words regardless of good or bad give me another opportunity to examine the way that I want to live my life. His words often enlighten me in a way that I did not expect, it often set me into thinking more and more about life, about of alot of other stuff as well. He also help me made up a decision that I think would changed my life forever. Maybe it is fate or destiny, that problem had troubled me for months, I have seek numerous advice from alot of my friends but none could push me to make up my mind as he did. All I could say is that for better or for worst, no matter where my decision leads me to, I would have no regret making this decision for I have live the life that my heart desire.

I am grateful up till now to be able to meet all these people in my life, if there is really a unknown force that push these people to meet me, I would give a million thanks to whoever or whatever that is behind it. I can't write it out in words to stress the importance and significance that these people had in my life. Don't be upset too my friends if I did not mention you in these entry as all of you matter as much to me as the people before.

I love all of you my friends and do take care so that it would come one day where we could sit down and chat and simply being our true self.

Laziness

To all of my friend:

Pardon me for not updating for so long, I been lazy these couple of months.

Ok, yaya, i rephrase my sentence, i been lazy for whole of my life. Haha...

But I promised to update whenever I want to do so. Hehe...

Between, i have been busy with my honours year with all the report, attending seminar and preparing slides for presentation.

By the way, to whoever is coming this May/June, i might be only joining you guys for maybe like 2 to 3 days of the whole journey as i think i will be pretty much busy with growing plants.

Yes!!! growing plants is what i do now coz my damn PCR is not working. Got to optimise that before anything else so the growing need to come in May/June.

But do take care all my friend, i miss u guys and hope to see you guys next year.

?!!

Whatever is done is done, it can never be undone!!!

Even if you tell yourself and everyone to let it go, deep down inside both you and others know that it stay in the heart and memory as scar that will only fade with time but stay forever.

It has become such a common and normal way for us to treat thing as it never has been in order to cover up for the real terrible truth in the reality.

Are we really been forced to do so or we are just been too cowardly to face the real truth?

I wonder...

朋友？！

每个人对朋友的定义都不同，你把他/她当成知心好友但对方却不然。人与人之间的关系太复杂了，在人际关系里一加一并不等于二，答案可以是三，可以是四，甚至等于零。

一但朋友的信任指数在自己心中开始下跌，很快的，对朋友的信任就会像山崩一样，只跌不升直到尽头。

在漫长的人生当中，有无数的人出现在我们的身边，从那无数中找寻与我们契合的对象然后把他们归类成朋友，对他们付诸信任与关心。在经历磨练中增加对彼此的了解，同时接受彼此的不同，谅解与体谅。但又有多少人做得到这一点呢？

人生有太多的谎言与虚伪，我们又能相信什么呢？

每跌一次，就觉得自己太傻太天真，但那就能成为彼此伤害的理由吗？

人们总以为要做了一些什么才能/会伤害到人，殊不知什么都不作也同样的伤人。

在此给自己与大家一句话：该做的时候就做，不该时就什么都不作。不要以为自己的想法就是对的，不要以为自己的做法就不会伤害到人。。。

River festival

It is the annual River festival in Brisbane again, this event is a big whoo-ha thingy in Brisbane. Most of the ppl living in Brisbane will be there to view the fantastic firework (even thou some of my fren comment that Singapore fire work is nicer) with their family and fren.

It is sort of like a big thing for me and my fren as brisbane is quite peaceful and slow (aka boring) and this event bring a lot of life to brisbane on that day.

Ekka Festival

The Ekka is the annual show of Queensland, Australia. Its formal title is the Royal Queensland Show. It was originally called the Brisbane Exhibition and therefore is now usually known as Ekka, due to the phenomenon in Australian English of shortening lengthy words. (Taken from wiki) If u are interested in knowing more please wiki ekka.

So basically EKKA last for 10 days in brisbane and there is 1 day of public holiday specially for this festival. The more special thing of this event is that there is one public tranport train station specially build for EKKA and only open once in a year during EKKA festival. How cool does that sound!!!

Spend way too much on Ekka just buying those show bag and rides however it is a interesting experience for me in Brisbane. Hope to get to see the thing I miss out in next year Ekka which i am confirm to go.

But anyway, it would be a entirely new experience for next year as i will be going with different ppl.

Karaoke in Australia

This is my first experience for going to a Karaoke in Australia (some more with a Jap fren of Miss S, his name is Mr. Yasu). The place was operated by a HK company (I suppose KT shld know abt it) and located in a place called Sunnybank.Sunnybank was famously known as the second chinatown in Brisbane. There are alot of asian stores there and my hsemate and I went there occasionally if we miss asian food alot. Although it is not comparable to Singapore/Malaysia food but it has at least satisfy our crave for homely food.

The singing package we took was inclusive of a drink and a plate for food from the selected menu. However, no one told us about the limited range of drink that we can order, we asked for lemon tea. (So kena extra charge in the end...So cannot make it loh...)

All in all it was fun (becoz of the Miss S and Mr. Yasu's company) but the service sucks.